No Real Comparison

We see tragedies everyday in this world … the news is cluttered with them. Sometimes we pause when we hear about them … but the fact of the matter is … the world doesn’t stop, life goes on. Whether it’s a mass shooting, a war atrocity, a major accident, etc … we may get angry, express how terrible it is … but then we “move on” with life. But for those directly affected by tragedy, the “survivors” … it’s different. And as a survivor of someone lost to suicide, even though we too are forced to keep pace with life … we deal with the burden and the weight of the loss. For some of us we feel incomplete … like a part of us has been taken away that can never be replaced.
 
As you can imagine, there’s so many of us that have been impacted by Lynn’s passing … this unimaginable tragedy. There’s so many of us that have had different and unique relationships with her. As I’ve shared before, so please forgive me for repeating myself, Lynn was beautiful inside and out, compassionate, thoughtful, fun, sexy, and strong.  She was smart, and talented in so many ways … as a surgical physician assistant, a cook, a home manager, with arts and crafts. She had a great sense of humor and loved to laugh. Lynn’s loss is immense … it’s devastating to those of us that were close to her … that loved her, relied on her, enjoyed her company, planned a future with her. How can you comprehend the feeling of loss that two young sons endure … it brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it; the grief that parents have in saying good-bye to a cherished child so prematurely; or the sense of loss a husband has for his life partner. And believe me the hurt, the pain of her loss is spread far and wide. 
 
Naturally, we all have some sense for what it’s like for people to deal with the loss of a loved one. To begin with, most of us have experienced loss in one way or another. Or maybe you’ve had a similar experience in the loss of a parent at a young age; or loss of a child prematurely; or the loss of your life partner long before your shared plans were complete. But at the same time, although the circumstance may be similar, we’re all unique individuals and “wired” differently… so it’s impossible to know exactly what it’s like for any of the survivor’s. And despite the cliché, we can never figuratively “walk a mile” in someone else’s shoes or truly trade places. So although you may have had a similar experience … you can’t really compare hurt, level of grief, and how we each cope with loss. Even amongst the survivor’s, we can’t know exactly what it’s like for each other.
 
But there’s one thing we, us survivors and those of you who know and care about us, do know for sure … it’s a really bad deal and it’s really hard. I know life will never be the same without that beautiful, incredible lady. So, I think all we can do is lend support, encouragement, a shoulder to cry on, well placed advice, and space when needed … and recognize there’s no real comparison.
 
Much love,

Lance

4 thoughts on “No Real Comparison

  1. Marianne says:

    Because of your transparency, I’ve shared your story with a few people in a way I never would have spoken about depression and suicide.
    You are helping others. And by God’s grace you will continue to move forward and shine God’s light in dark places.
    Life does goes on. It seems so cruel when you lose a loved one, I felt that way when my dad died and people ate and talked and laughed like nothing had happened and I wanted to yell at them. That’s not God’s way, but what you’re doing is.
    Love from Bobby and Marianne

    Liked by 1 person

  2. hdavis932014 says:

    Each life has a unique purpose. Part of a much bigger plan than anyone can comprehend . Thank you for continuing to share . It helps me understand how I personally can choose to react and try to be more loving towards others no matter what the circumstance. As you said, no one is in another’s shoes. Much love to you Lance…. Heidi

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Kathleen says:

    So true there is no comparison, we each go through our lives and no one can ever really know our personal experience of grief or pain… or for that matter what brings us each joy or love.

    For me poetry or writings of others allowed me to understand this beautiful yet tragic universal condition of being. Especially when it’s impossible to rectify how a child can be without their mother, how a lover can be left without their love…

    The pain is just unbearable. But your sharing of the raw experience is healing you and others. Extremely brave to face the pain and grief / feel it and embrace it – then share to help others.

    So here’s a few thoughts from Kahlil Gibran —On Pain

    Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
    Even as the stone of the fruit must break, that its heart may stand in the sun, so must you know pain.
    And could you keep your heart in wonder at the daily miracles of your life, your pain would not seem less wondrous than your joy;
    And you would accept the seasons of your heart, even as you have always accepted the seasons that pass over your fields.
    And you would watch with serenity through the winters of your grief.

    Liked by 1 person

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