29th Anniversary

So today, October 22nd, would’ve been our 29th wedding anniversary … imagine that. 53 years old (both of us) and 29 years married to my high school sweetheart … married for more than half our lives. If I go back to when we started dating and fell in love … it’s more like 36 years … almost 70% of our lives … pretty amazing. Sorry for the stats but what can I say … I’m a Nuclear Engineer by education … so there is a little engineering geek in me. Before June 15, 2017, I thought that stat would have just grown and grown … amazing how your world can get rocked in a nano second! Don’t take anything for granted my friends.

I’ve been missing my bride something fierce lately. This is so unbelievably hard … the tears have been flowing freely and often.  It doesn’t take much … an image of her in my mind, a lyric from a song, gazing at a picture, etc. And this time of the year … it’s cooler but not cold, no humidity, the summer crowd is gone … just a wonderful time of the year. Yes, fall in NC, was absolutely Lynn’s favorite time of the year. I miss our walks together with dogs, cruising on the boat, walking the beach, quiet dinners, watching the news, touching her soft skin, hearing her voice … I miss everything about that incredible lady!

As I’ve mentioned, the support I’ve received from so many has been extraordinary. So please keep doing what you are doing … it really helps and is so appreciated. As folks reach out and engage me they’ll often ask … “how ya doing?”; “are you doing ok?”; “are you alright?”; “how are the boys … they ok?” All normal and legitimate questions … so don’t stop asking. But they can also be tough to answer. To be honest, it kind of depends on the moment. I’ll just speak from my perspective and not the boys. Look I’m going to “survive” … God willing. It’s just my nature … I’m a positive person, an eternal optimist. But to be honest I don’t know how I’m doing. The tears can flow instantaneously … doesn’t matter where I am; I have moments of rage where I just scream and curse and ask why. But I’m also functioning … leading my team back at work; managing the house; socializing with friends; sharing laughs and memories. But it hurts … it hurts so bad. Words can’t describe how much I miss her. Words can’t describe how sad I am for my boys that at such a young age they lost their incredible mom. Words can’t describe how bad I feel for all those who loved her and won’t ever again have the privilege of her company in this world. Words can’t describe the sorrow I feel for Lynn … that somehow, she so quickly got to that dark place and felt her only option was to leave this world.

So how am I doing … it’s a fair question. I don’t have a good answer … sometimes good, sometimes not so good … surviving I guess. But as I’ve said before … hopefully someday the wonderful memories of times shared with Lynn will overcome the pain and heartache that I feel today.

Much love,

Lance

5 thoughts on “29th Anniversary

  1. Ellen says:

    I’m so sorry Lance. I think of you and the boys often, wondering how you are doing. You never stop loving, missing and also remembering your partner in life! John & I would have been married 50 years one month after he passed. So let me assure you that it will slowly get better but I’m not sure we will ever stop missing our childhood Sweethearts! Sending hugs & Love to you!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Koos Krijthe says:

    Lance, you have been in my thoughts a lot in the past months. I think what you’re doing and the way you’re doing it is a testimony of the strength inside you, so keep doing it! Your blogs are inspiring and food for thought. I will keep sharing on this side of the big pond. Although I cannot possibly imagine what you have been and still are going through I know it must be testing for you and your boys so stay strong my friend!
    All my best, Koos

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Pierre Oneid says:

    Lance, I must say I was shocked yesterday to learn about your loss and very glad u shared your blog. It made me cry, laugh, think …and love. Remember my friend Faith and Time.
    Thanks for sharing and God bless.
    Pierre

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Linda A says:

    Your very sad experience is also inspiring to me. I have not suffered the death of a spouse, but the death of a 25 yr marriage. In many ways a divorce is similar- sometimes worse (or so I think) because the person is still alive and continues to hurt me. I pray that your pain subsides…. *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

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