It’s been quite sometime since I last posted to this blog. To be honest … I’ve been struggling with what else to say. Don’t be mistaken, I haven’t lost my motivation for raising awareness about suicide and the mental health issues that can lead to it. In fact, although I’ve been at a loss for words … with the help of some friends we’re working on the 2nd Annual Lynn Hall Memorial Golf Tournament to be held on July 3rd in Connecticut … more details to come.
Let’s face it … suicide is a difficult and uncomfortable topic to talk about. But the fact of the matter is it continues to be a very serious issue in our society. I just read an article that cited a few startling statistics from the US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention 2016 data … “suicide is now the second-leading cause of death among people between the ages of 10 and 34 and the fourth leading cause of death among people between 35 and 54.“ … that’s astonishing, and scary, and sad, and creates an unmeasurable amount of downstream pain and grief for those left behind.
This whole thing is so hard for so many of us and its so hard to put into words how immense the loss of Lynn really is. And as I’ve said before … sometimes the waves of grief are more intense than others. Lynn’s birthday was March 25th … she would have been 55. It was just a tough day … I, like many others, just missed her even more than usual. Related to her birthday, I received so many notes of support. And I was reminded that the “hurt and the memories reflect a love that never goes away … memories are a reflection of something special that is treasured … and forever to keep”. And look I get that, I believe it … but in addition to that, the reality is there’s no turning back time in this world … we’ll never be together again, there’s no opportunity to create new memories with her … and that hurts.
I’ve also been exposed to various thoughts about grieving and a common theme that grieving is the price you pay for loving. Someone passed on a quote where Rabbi Earl Grollman stated … “Grief is not a disease, a disorder or a sign of weakness. It is an emotional, physical, and spiritual necessity; the price you pay for love. The only cure for grief is to grieve.” I think he may have a point. And the journey continues.
In telling our story, I’ve communicated that in the early years of our relationship, as teenagers, I’d write Lynn notes with verses from songs that resonated with me and in some ways captured how I felt about her. Led Zeppelin’s “Thank You” being one of my favorites … e.g. “when mountains crumble to the sea, there will still be you and me”. Given my “loss for words” lately … I took a shot at trying to capture my thoughts … in my own words in a poem that I’ve included below. At the risk of embarrassing myself, I’m sharing (so be nice). And look, I know my words will never be mistaken for the lyrical genius of Robert Plant or Jimmy Page … but they’re honest and from the heart.
So again, don’t mistake the long time between posts as any indication that I’ve lost my resolve … it’s just that this continues to be a difficult ordeal … and sometimes I’m just at a loss for words.
Why did you have to go … I’m not sure I’ll ever know
I miss your smile, I miss your touch … to hold you again … I’d give so much
So incredibly sad … Oh Lord, it drives me mad
We had so much more to do and things to see … how could this be
Love that ran so deep … sure to forever keep … why did you have to go
We were supposed to grow old together … loving each other whether …
Such a gaping wound created … never to completely be eliminated
I’m not sure who I am without you; what else to say or what to do … but just know, I’ll never stop loving you
Why did you have to go … not sure I’ll ever know